5 Ways to Support Someone Emotionally
It’s not always easy to know what to do.
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Find out HOW to be there for them. It’s so important to acknowledge that everyone has a different way of wanting to be supported. The way you want to be supported could include talking about how you’re feeling at length over a coffee, the way someone else might want to be supported is by you making time to go out for the day to do a fun activity to take their mind off things. Don’t just assume what works for you will work for others. So instead of just saying I’m here for you - try “I’m here for you; tell me how best I can support you”. Be open to the idea that their idea of support can be completely different to yours. Let them tell you what would help them feel better. If they struggle, suggest a few different ideas and then ask them if those ideas would be helpful. Ask if it would be more helpful to talk or just to spend time together. Ask if they would like space to themselves. Ask if they would like any practical help with daily tasks. Ask if they’d like a hug. And let whatever answer they give you be okay - no guilt tripping or pressurising. Don’t push your ideas of what works for you onto them. Emotional support is definitely not a one size fits all kind of thing. Find out HOW to be there for them.
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Give them time. It takes time to heal and each individual has their own time scale. Avoid creating an expectation that they “should be fine by now”. This will only delay their recovery time and cause added stress. Be patient and courteous. Understand that every single one of us is on a path to recovery and self improvement. These paths differ in duration for everyone. It might be difficult to watch someone you love or care about in pain. If we’re really honest it could also become inconvenient if someone isn’t their usual self especially if it’s someone you rely on in some way. If this is the case it is so crucial to check in with your self and try to acknowledge how you’re feeling and work on it. Don’t just suppress it as it can cause a build up of resentment and cause you to become impatient. Patience is key. A tip to stay patient is to not have any kind of time scale in mind. Remember this is not your journey, it’s the other persons. They will take as much time as they need to. And that’s ok. When you notice a sense of impatience or frustration. Allow yourself to feel it so that it can pass. Stay in tune!
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No problem solving unless they ask. It’s common to rush in and solve peoples problems. There are a few reasons why people problem solve. In the work place when there is an issue we’re wired to just try to solve it. Also if we’re super honest, it’s actually very uncomfortable to sit with someone’s feelings, especially if you care about them. That’s why you’d say whatever you can to ‘solve the problem’ and feel pressure to come up with a way to make them feel better. This is counter productive as a lot of the time people just need a safe space to talk about how they feel. This alone is enough for them to come to their own solutions. People need to know you can tolerate them in being in pain and that someone understands what they’re going through. If you’re really unsure you can simply ask “would you find it helpful to discuss some solutions?”. Rushing into solutions when the other person doesn’t want one can often make people feel unheard and their feelings disregarded.
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Validate! No matter how small or insignificant someone’s issue may seem it’s crucial to validate how they feel if you want to be there for them. A simple “that must be super hard for you” or “I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a hard time” is enough to make the other person feel heard and supported. Saying things like “it’s not that bad” or “it could be worse” are extremely invalidating and can cause the person to feel unheard. Linking to the previous point, hold that safe space for the other person to know their feelings are valid and their voice has been heard. You can also try reflecting back what the person has said to you eg. “I can hear your really stressed about your work situation, it must be really hard” to show you are really listening.
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Keep showing you care and consistently check in to see how they are doing. Just sending a text to ask how they are and letting them know you’re thinking of them can mean a lot. You should keep doing this longer than what may seem necessary. Offer to meet up or have a phone call. If they aren’t ready or don’t want to talk yet keep the invite open and let them know you are there when they’re ready.